|Mom & Dad on the day of their wedding dinner|
My siblings and I were fortunate enough not to have experienced going through the death of a truly loved one before. Sure, there had been a few deaths in the family – our grandmother, grandfather, an uncle and an auntie. We were not particularly close to them so we did not really know what it was like to mourn for a loved one.
So I thought I still had time. I just refused to accept the fact that he may go anytime soon.In fact, even though he was sick, he could still nag at everyone. I usually go to my parents’ house in the morning after dropping my kids off at school. As my work starts at 10am, I would just laze around till it was time to go. Perhaps dad did not know what time my work starts, so he called me over and started giving me advice on being on time to work and how my boss would be watching me. I tried to tell him that it is ok and I am not going to be late but he kept on giving his advice without giving me a chance to explain. So I got so upset and stormed out of the house. I was also thinking why he needed to nag me about work when I had been working for almost 20 years already. I didn’t go over the next day as I was still upset. Then I felt bad about it and went over the following day. I apologized to him as he told me that his feelings were hurt when I stormed out of the house. Then I just sat down and listened to him as he continued giving me advice on work. That was the last advice that he would ever had the chance to give me.
Dad was admitted to the hospital on Sunday night, 9 Feb 2014, as his stomach and feet were swollen. There were a lot of projects at work and proposals to rush. I forgot to visit dad on Monday and Tuesday. Then I told myself that I have to visit him on Wednesday morning before going to work. Again, I didn’t as I had something to rush. On Thursday, I had to go down to KL in the morning so I thought I could visit him first since I have to pass by the hospital. But I was rushing late and ended up going straight to KL. I told myself again that I must go the next day, which was a Friday.Then something came up on that day and I didn’t manage to go as well. On Saturday, my kids and I were going to Port Dickson with my sister and her daughter. I wanted to visit dad before going to Port Dickson in the morning but as we wanted the kids to make full use of the day, we went off earlier and again, I did not manage to see dad. So I thought, it is ok, I will visit him the next day when we come back from our trip.But in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I received a call from my brother at around 1.30am, telling me that dad has passed away in his sleep. I just couldn’t believe it. I did not make the time to visit my sick father and now he was gone forever. It was too late. I didn’t see him for one week while he was laying sick on his bed. I was too busy with work and everything else. This is my biggest regret in life.
I learned that time does not wait for us.We may have our own plans but God may have other plans. In fact, God has planned it nicely for my sister and her daughter to come back from Switzerland 2 weeks earlier. They got to spend time with dad and helped took care of him. And just one week before my sister was supposed to fly back to Switzerland, God called dad home so that our family will have time to mourn our loss together.
Dad’s wake and funeral was on Monday and Tuesday. Standing there, I still couldn’t believe that I was attending my own father’s funeral. It seemed so unreal.
On Wednesday, we collected his remains from the crematorium. Life on earth in our physical bodies suddenly seemed so fragile as I looked at my father’s bones and ashes. He was with us a week ago and now all that was left of him were bones and ashes.
We took a boat out from the Port Klang jetty. We scattered his ashes into the sea. He may be gone now but he will always remain in my heart. I had never knew the feeling of losing a loved one till now.
Rest in peace, Dad. Till we meet again in the kingdom of heaven….
|Dad’s Wake on 17 Feb|
|Scattering of dad’s ash into the sea|
|Dad playfully posing with a Lego man during our trip to Legoland last year|
|During one of my parents’ trips to Europe|
|Picking some fruits together|
|Having a mouth of strawberry from mom|